Do You Believe In Love?

Do you believe in love?  What is love exactly?  Is love not inexorable?  Is it not a perception?

Everyone is an individual and everyone needs to be loved in their special way.  So let us focus on behaviors that come from love.  J.U.C.F -jucf.  Jucf is a reminder of principals that will help you to live in love everyday and live in love when you have moments that are not so lovable.

 J-Joy......Always remember to be of service to love.  When you love, remember to create joy in life.  Offering joy makes the one you love joyful.  Ask yourself- what do they need from me?  How can I help to fulfill their wants, needs, and desires? Asking yourself these questions will create joy wherever you are.  If you find yourself at a moment of distress, anger, or dislike- ask yourself how can you give joy at that moment.  What you give returns to you, so remember to give joy to the ones you love.

U-Understanding........Give your love to observe and understand.  To understand someone is to love them.  When you understand- only then can you love someone as they need to be loved.  Only then can you love them because you understand them.
C-Compassion..........When you understand them-you can be apart of their solution that's for their discovery.  Living in compassion is a loving choice.  You choose to view the world through someone else's view. Living with compassion is living with love.  As you grow to understand your love you will also grow to be compassionate of other's thoughts and actions.  To love them is to ease them of their suffering in any way you can.
F-Freedom...............When you understand you are more accepting to who someone is.  To love someone is to let them live freely as they are.  Freedom is where your imperfections become your perfections.  Accepting who someone is - is love.  Allowing them to be who they are is loving without conditions and that is freedom.

 Love is a behavior- how you act and react to life's situations.  When you find yourself at a moment when love is needed- remember Jucf- and ask yourself if you are living by Jucf's principals- joy, understanding, compassion, and freedom.  Love has many ideas to many people.  If you agree, disagree, or want to add on- feel free to leave a comment.  Remember to live in love and remember Jucf's principals. Learn to love,

The Journey

It took me a few years before I decided to do the "Big Chop."  I always waited months to get a relaxer- even before I thought of going fully natural.  I played with the idea for a while, but would never let the "no relaxed look" go on much longer than 4 to 6 months.  It took my daughter coming home to me one day after school that I decided to take it there :-) the place that some woman dare not to go.
Baby Girl comes home from kindergarten and tells me she wants her hair straight.  Naturally I ask why.  She tells me she wants her hair straight and long like the other girls in her class.  I go into a spiel about how gorgeous her hair is naturally- so on and - so forth. At 4 years of age, she looks at me and reminds me that my hair is straight too.  Mind you I was rocking 16 inches of bohemian looking hair, lol.
Her saying that to me really had me evaluating myself and what I was representing to her on a daily basis.  It was at that moment that I decided to just do it and don't look back.  I swear to you it has been a JOURNEY, lol.  A journey I proudly recommend to every sister friend out there.  Everyone's journey is different, but I swear I am beyond appreciative of the experience and phases I had to go through- being pretty enough, sexy enough, and loving myself more than enough- in my most natural state.     
When I think back, I remember the frustration I had with my hair that I am now so in love with :-)  Just trying to figure it all out because all hair types are not the same.  Some products work well and some products are for different hair textures. The biggest conclusion I've come to is our hair needs MOISTURE!MOISTURE!MOISTURE!  Aside from that, learning to appreciate your texture with out expectations from it will allow your hair to grow and flourish.  Sounds crazy right.  But not until I let go of the expectations and started to love my hair for what it was- did I begin to recognize its beauty.  
Instead of hiding it with my weaves, I want to protect it as much as possible.  I understand my hair has its own personality.  Every coil, curl, and kink is different, expressing itself- for me and the world to admire.
  This journey is not for the simple hearted.  Only those that are ready to "get real" with themselves will even attempt the natural hair journey.  I challenge you to push through and dedicate yourself to loving the natural you- unconditionally :-) 

Stay Beautiful-JM  
* YouTube Naturalistas- Naptural85, Africanexport, xodvf, of course Jenee Michell, and many more........  

Lets Talk About Virginity

Do you remember your very first time?  Did you know what you were doing or what to expect?  What about the lasting effects your very first time had on you as a woman?  Take a second and think about it...........

Rather good or bad, that person has a continual connection to the woman you are today.  At this moment, no matter the outcome of your "popped cherry," I want you to say to him,  thank you.  

Because if you're reading my blog, clearly you are one hell of a woman :-)

If you are a mother, I hope you have already spoken to your daughter about the importance of her virginity? The last thing you want to do is decide to have that conversation with her and she has already given her "gift" away.  Statistics show that girls begin to have sex around the age of 17.  But I can walk down to the local middle school and say, "I see differently."
Is it safe to say there are a few guidelines as a "female" you would want her to know?  Its better the information came from you first than from her friends.  Sometimes adults get it so wrong when talking to children about sex.  Instead of being honest about it, adults use scare tactics and pleads of "just don't do it" lectures.  Better strategies need to be implemented if we're going to guide our daughters into the abyss of love, relationships, and disappointments.  So lets get her ready.
Firstly, do you understand why your virginity was precious (think about it before reading on)?
After giving your virginity how did you react towards him afterwards?  Were you clingy, always thinking about him, feeling like jell-o, disappointed, what was your reaction?
  My point is the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree.  What you experience in life with men~ will likely be unforeseen experiences your daughter will have with them too.  Don't believe me, look at your mother, pay attention to your grandmother or great grandma if you had the privilege to know her.  What was there relationship to the men in their lives?  Many young girls I see today are clueless about the choices they make and how it will effect their future~ it truly breaks my heart.  I'd often ask myself, where is your mother or better yet, where is your father?

  The relationship a mother has with her daughter will create ripple effects of the relationship that daughter will have with her own daughter.  The relationship your daughter has with her father will create waves of how she will feel about men.  Daddy is a little girl's first true love, so it will be up to mom and dad to truly lay the ground work for how she should expect to be treated.  If dad is not around, have a serious support system of adults that truly love her (grandparents, aunties, uncles, etc.).

Why do you think countless religions write about marrying a virgin (remember think about that question)?  Do you think it was for good health, lol?  Your vagina is a very special area that should be guarded with selectivity.  Don't believe me, pay attention.  Is it safe to say your body is your temple?  Do you realize you have a few openings into your temple that you should keep guarded?  Ever heard or seen the African proverb, Three Wise Monkeys, see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?
Your eyes, your ears, and your mouth all have openings into your temple.  What you see around you, what you decide to listen to, and what you say out your mouth, all mold and shape who you are and who you will be.  What other openings are there into your body?  Your vagina, your anus, and your nose.  Lets review your nose. Your nose is special because it is connected to different features of your body.  What I find most cool about it is its ability to communicate with you without words, but through smell.  Ladies have you ever smelled your lover?  I don't mean with his cologne or other special smell good gadgets he may have.  Have you truly smelled him?  I won't delve in too far, but keep in mind there is a reason for our nose (you should smell everything and everyone around you :)

Whats next, your anus and your vagina.  We know what the anus does, what about your vagina?  What great big wonders does the vagina offer?  Not only is it the only natural way life can be brought into this world(which is a huge wonder on its own).  It is a place of pure pleasure, ecstasy, and heaven for many men.  Your vagina is also the largest opening into your temple (the main entrance).

There is a reason the ancients say virginity is pure.  Every man you allow to enter your temple will always leave something behind and he will always take a part of you with him.  A virgin is free of baggage.  Im not saying tell your daughters to be a virgin forever, that is not realistic for many young girls.  Im saying have an open dialog with your daughters about her virginity, the importance of what she can never get back, and be real with her about what sex is and the power it has.  Don't just talk to talk, the relationship, communication, and advice should be real.  As she grows older, she will understand more and more that she will always be her own best friend first and you will always be there to guide her in anyway possible.
 Just don't send her out in the world naive and unknowing of what to expect from those "of the world."  I hope I'm not going to left field for you guys.  Sex seems to be such a taboo subject for mothers and daughters.  You will be surprised by what your daughter may already know from the television, songs, friends, and what she may hear in passing.  Truth is there is complexity in being a woman.  Those complexities should be revealed to her like an unwrapped gift.  I embrace being a female and hope other mothers with daughters will feel empowered as well.  There is such beauty and mystery in being a woman.  I hope we pass the information on to the young ones. In every generation we learn to do better and it is up to us to teach the younger ones how to be better.  Reach 1 Teach 1 is what you should remember. Her virginity is a sacred gift. Her body is her temple. Lastly, she is a reflection of you and what you did or didn't do as a mother.

The Black Complex (Good Hair)

What is good hair exactly?  I cringe when people say, oh my gosh~ she/he/you (they) have such "good hair."
I also cringe at, Oh my gosh, my hair is too nappy to go natural.  As if the kinks and curls of your hair is a down grade or embarrassment to your identity.
"I'm not comfortable with natural hair", "it just isn't me", or "I just prefer the straight bohemian, store bought hair".  Really?  What you are telling me unconsciously is, I am not comfortable with who I am as a person, I am uncomfortable with my history, and/or~ I have been molded by society that my features are not beautiful enough and I believe them.  Cause lord forbid if black women actually started to love themselves, how many people would be out of this billion dollar industry that plays on the insecurities of women.
Trust me, I was you at a time when I would not leave the house without my weave in or makeup on.  In my head, I felt beautiful only when my "natural self" was covered up and kept hidden.
Underneath it all was the real truth.  The unknowing truth that was hiding the pain, the scars, and hurt behind almost 500 years of slavery.  The truth that although my skin and hair are some of the best features of a black woman; I wanted to deny, conform, and erase all that has happened to me and my history.  So what do you do?  You cover it up and pay it little attention, while it festers beneath.

Now I understand that your outward appearance does not define who you are as a person.  Your weaves are an accessory or added bonus to your lifestyle.  I get it. I also know that the outside you is only a mirror reflection of the inside you.

Just remember that your skin and hair are an extension from your past.  I always say, the sun itself has kissed the black race.  Making our brown skin the fountain of youth, you know black don't crack.  The Sun has shown love to our hair by shining it's waves of energy on our ancestors.  So don't be deceived by the illusions set in place.  We unknowingly realize that our kinks, coils, and curls, which are all uniquely different with every strand, has given us a head of thick and full hair that every woman wants to attain.

 Your brown skin and kinky hair was genetically selected for you and depicts your heritage of Afrakah.  In America we are constantly reminded that black history began with slavery.  Without thought, we don't dare imagine the empires of Kush, Mali, Nubia, Ancient Ghana, and countless others that we descended from.  Instead you learn of Queen Elizabeth, Alexander the Great, Napolean, Christopher Columbus, and the "founding fathers" of America to name a few.  

I write this so that you know Good Hair  is not a type of hair.  Good Hair is the hair on your head that you view as your crown, because it speaks to the world.

Good Hair is the hair you love and nurture no matter the texture or look.  Don't fall victim to the conformed thoughts of our society.  Our perception of ourselves create the reality we see.  I am so proud to be living in this era where we say it loud, Black is beautiful!  Kinky~curly hair that was viewed as untamed and crazy is being appreciated and loved by our self.  We are not waiting on the okay from main stream media, our parents, or views of others.  We are loving our hair.  Without words we are saying, I am black, I am proud, and I appreciate who I am~ naturally.
  The Black Complex

The Black Complex (skin)

I am not writing this post to ridicule or pass judgement on black people.  I'm writing this post in hopes that you will think about the words you say to our little ones and pay attention to what society says and think about us.

We are constantly bombarded with messages from the media, societal views, and those around us that love us.  When we're young, we are instantly judged by our skin color and hair texture before we are able to walk or talk.  

If a child is born with fair skin and that "good hair" as we say in the community, parents are constantly told how beautiful their child is. 
When our babies are born with darker skin and nappy hair, they are told by others, aaah, she/he is so "precious."  
Even Little Wayne himself made a remark to the color struck idea in his song, "Right Above." He said, "beautiful black woman, I bet that b*tch looks better red."  As an artist, Little Wayne spoke a perceptual truth from with in the black community.  The idea that the lighter you are the more desirable, pretty, and accepted you are.  I'm not making this up, just pay attention.  What are the odds of you seeing a dark skin man with a dark skinned women?  The complex is there, again just pay attention. Lets look at music videos or movies, who is the main character and how does she look?  

  When we saw dark skinned women in the media, they usually resembled an Ancha Momma or Mammy stereotype.
So what do our young girls tend to do as they get older~ lighten their skin to be more "perceptually" desirable, prettier, and accepted by others.  
What is your role as a mother, a woman, and a person?  To think thoughts and speak words of acceptance, love, and beauty to all girls.  Do not dissect, segregate, and make superior/inferior remarks about another person's characteristics.  Be conscious, because it creates your reality.  The last little girl you want to create is a woman with low self esteem, little confidence, and hatred for herself. 
Tell her not to compare her jewels with another persons.  We are all created differently as individuals.  Allow her to know her beauty and who she is as a person.  Therefore; no one else will be able to tell her, "what is beauty."  Highlight her features, her characteristics, and her personality so that she knows, not only is she loved, she is also beautiful. It will take you as a woman and/or a mother to change the thoughts and ideas of our next generation. 
The Black Complex....

Dear Sisters


Dear Sisters, I love writing at my blog to interact with you women to women.  I write to make you laugh, to ask yourself questions, and to encourage you to be and love who you are; wherever you are in life.  
Sometimes as women we strive to be everything to everyone else and leave little to no time to do things that we love to do.  Before we know it, we will be looking in the mirror asking, where has the time went?

I love to stress the importance of taking care of yourself as a whole person; mentally, physically, spiritually,  and financially.  We're living in a fast paced world that is forever changing through technology, medicine, and thought.  But sometimes we need to step aside from the race and take time out for our self.  If you don't do it for you who else will? 

Why live life over worked, stressed out, and a day away from creating a chronic illness like diabetes, obesity, heart conditions, or certain cancers?  These illness are all preventable when living a balanced lifestyle and taking care of yourself through what you feed your body, how you move it, and how you perceive it.
Your life is your journey and you have the power to make choices that will benefit you as a whole person.  

So take time out to be a woman and enjoy the pleasures that come along with them.